16th April

A BIRTHDAY NOTE

April 16, 2020


Trust this finds you well — safe and sane at the comforts of your home, with the people you love so dearly, in this difficult and frightful time the whole world is going through right now. It's not even close to how you imagined this day would be, but it could have been worse. It may sound selfish to want to forget everything for a while; but I sincerely hope you give yourself this one day, at the very least, to experience a bit sense of normalcy in this pandemic and openly remember how rewarding the last two decades have been. 

Today, you are 22. And it's worth celebrating. 

Celebrate the many different versions of yourself throughout meaningful seasons — how you watched each one slowly die, with an earnest mind and gallant heart, to blossom more beautifully; and how you have humbly carried with you little pieces of yourself in multiple phases of your life so that you could grow and become the person you are now. 

Celebrate your brave heart that keeps you grounded, faithful, and hopeful — how you are unafraid to speak and do things always with and for love; how you weathered unbelievable cases of heartbreaks and losses, but still know of kindness and forgiveness; and how you patiently wait for the things you have no control over to perfectly fall into place.

Celebrate your restless, youthful spirit that knows of fearless living — how you champion the little things and make all of it matter at the end of the day; how you are always after opportunities of a lifetime and in constant search for new horizons; and how you tirelessly chase your dreams by taking one huge leap of faith at a time. 

Celebrate your grace and grit; your peace, courage, and strength; your truths, dreams, and hopes — they brought you here, exactly where you are supposed to. 

Today, you are 22. I hope you are reminded that you are celebrated for the things you did and failed to do, and the woman you have become because of all of it. You are truly, deeply loved — for who you are and who you are not — by the people who take pride in knowing you, and whose lives, dreams, love, and warmth give your very existence its true meaning. 

Happy birthday. Live a long, fearless, purposeful, powerful life. 


personal

Hello, New Decade!

January 18, 2020

Dear Self, 

It has been an amazing year for you. You've finally graduated college, got your first job and quit three months after (right decision, by the way), watched beautiful sunsets by the beach with the most important people in your life in many different occasion, went out of the country for the first time, healed, found your peace, and had incredibly fallen in love with your family. 2019 is hard to top, if I had to be honest. 

But when and if you think about it you are already living your best life — I tell you, your life is just beginning. 

A new decade has rolled upon your eyes and my only hope is that you use wisely the brand new chances right before you to open doors of opportunities; and that you maximize them all while notably spending the time you'd be generously given with good, kind-hearted, positive, and loving people. 

I wish for your GROWTH — for there could be no better time to allow yourself to dream vividly, fulfill your heart's desires, and live purposefully than now. I hope you find clarity and seek what you genuinely want; your life goals, your ultimate dreams, and your true intentions. I want to see it through your hopeful eyes and watch you chase them one by one with a courageous heart. 

I hope you be FEARLESS enough to get out of the rut you've been stuck in since who knows when. That is not your sanctuary. This year, I hope you trust yourself more and listen carefully to what your heart is saying — for in so many cases, what your chambers are whispering are almost always right. I hope you go for it, whatever it is that you want, because so many chances were already lost just because you didn't believe in yourself enough. Please don't repeat the same mistake this year. 

I hope you are STRONG enough to embrace wholeheartedly the many ups and downs that come with this crazy transition phase. It is difficult and you had a slight fair share of it last year. It is going to be harder now but I do hope you become independent and start living like an adult. Learn to do things on your own and by yourself. Spend wisely. Take care of your finances. Work hard. Eat healthy. Stand up for yourself. Make decisions by yourself. There would be countless times of rejections, multiple questions of self-doubt, and many episodes of pain, losses, and heartbreaks. But I do hope you conquer all of them with a gallant heart and that you come out of it even braver, wiser, stronger, and kinder than the woman the past two decades have shaped you. 

I hope you STAY COMMITTED enough to finish whatever you decide to start. You get so enthusiastic and get so deeply involved with a project that you put so much of your energy building it; only to leave it so easily and jump into a new one once the opportunity arises. It has always been your struggle and it is ugly. I hope you work it out this year. I wish you work only with the best interests at heart and that you allot your energy on the right things only. Never lose your drive and keep that passion burning. I hope you persevere more until half-baked results reach its fruition. 

I hope you write more because it is only through words that you find and achieve your peace. This is your solace and you need this to keep yourself together amidst all the noise. No matter how nonsensical the lines would seem or how repetitive the sentiments are, keep writing. These spaces are not going to judge you. You need your quiet moments, too; so rest if you need to and allow your heart to talk. 

I hope you start planning your future. 2020 is that single step that will lead to a thousand other journeys. It literally feels like bering reborn, but this time around, you are learned and much better with a rational thinking and humbled heart to start over, start living, and start doing things right for your future. And you owe it to yourself 10-15 years from now to live a happy, fruitful, and purposeful life. 

I hope you start ticking things off in your bucketlist. I hope you visit cities you've never been to. I hope you taste exotic cuisine from all over the world. I hope you see glorious sunsets. I hope you start living healthily to last 80 more years on earth. I hope you do all these things in 2020, all while making memories of a lifetime and sharing these experiences with the people who truly matter. 

This will be a meaningful season of learning for you. Be patient and just take it all in. I am positive that you are about to do something crazy good and amazing and the world will never be ready for it. 

Everyone else is rooting for you. You can do it. 


xx, 
AMYD
featured

BELLA CIAO, 2019!

January 10, 2020
Hey. I'm back. And, ironically, for a bittersweet parting note. 

I have all the words to write a thoughtful year-end post; but it took me long enough, exactly a week after the new year officially knocked in, to finally sit down and wrap-up the year that was. If I am being completely honest, I was not ready to put an end to such an amazing, wonderful year. And I feel like putting it out here for you, my little universe, to read and see actually means my 2019 literally (and officially) ending right before my eyes. 

I did not want 2019 to end. I knew it when the holiday rush came along and I could not, in any way, convince myself enough to join everyone else who was counting down to the last few days of the decade. I was just there — silent, but with a hundred thoughts running in my head, and feeling all sorts of possible things — happy and sad and fulfilled and anxious all at the same time, while scouring through tangible memories this year had generously bestowed upon me. It was HUGE. And special. And grand. Amazeballs, as I'd like to coin it — is what my 2019 has mostly been. 

It is my favorite year of all because what I consider the best highlights of my life by far seemed coincidentally yet perfectly timed to transpire all in one year. For one, I finally earned my bachelor's degree with a rightfully and, as I'd like to believe, a well-deserved Latin honor. Nothing can ever compare to seeing my parents — my rock and pillars of strength standing right beside me on that graduation stage of June 1st — joyful and immensely proud of a bronze medal and a diploma that is worth years and years of hard toil. Should I mention how my last six months in the academe, in a university I have truthfully loved since the beginning, were as memorable as I'd imagined it in my head. My best friend and I defended our thesis with zero revisions; I wrote my first screenplay ever; I pitched campaigns in front of the class for the last time; I was anchor for a sports newscast for my last production work ever; I ate so much of our staple college food Angkong and still had drunken school nights as per usual during my last few weeks in UST; and finally walked down the graduation aisle together with the same faces I have grown to love every day since Freshman year. 

I entered the corporate world only two months after graduation. Just like how impulsive I am when it comes to a lot of things, I immediately said yes to my first job offer ever — on my first interview over an almost-20-minute phone call. I would have been thankful for the rare, wonderful opportunity but those days were true tests of time. I can still remember silently crying in the bus so strangers won't notice, at night before I go to bed, in front of my bathroom mirror while everyone was fast asleep, and almost always to my best friend on random voice calls or dinner dates. Meltdowns became quite normal and I've lived waiting and longing for the weekend. It felt like the longest three months of my life and getting out of it felt like the most liberating and best decision I've made in 2019. That short time felt like a totally different lifetime — it was so bad and lonely, I never want to relive any of it longer.

But other than this tragic episode that absolutely lacked joy and upsides, the rest of the year was fruitful. 

I traveled places in 2019. I went to Caleruega with my home block for a quiet time of soulful reflection. The bus ride and game nights were hard to forget. Tagaytay was a usual, but our weekend getaway the past year was something else. Maybe because the weather is a perfect cold and it was the mother's side of the family whom we are sharing coffee and waffles and bulalo with. I had a couple of beach trips, too. I went to La Union with my college best friends, our very first out of town trip together. I surfed, picked grapes, explored its northern side, and happily devoured some of Elyu's bests. I loved that trip so much! We also spent the quick Halloween break at Subic. I didn't think I needed a break; but, as it turns out, a short time away from the city together with the people who matter most to me is all and everything I need to regain the positive energy.

The family went back to Boracay, an island so close to our hearts, to celebrate some of the most important dates in our June family calendar. I was only 14 when I first visited the island and I fell in love with it instantly. After so many years, I still feel the same about it. For me, nothing came close to the fine white sand, clear waters, and deep jaded seas this long stretch of Boracay beach boasts of. Even sundown in Boracay is beyond words. I've watched a couple of beautiful ones in my lifetime, but the sun sets gloriously in this island.  I saw how the sun painted the sky so majestically— pink and orange clouds running seamlessly through lavender skies— while listening to the calming sound of crashing waves. No wonder so many people from across the world go crazy in this paradise. I wish to live here forever and watch Boracay sunset all my life. I would go back in a heartbeat, no questions asked. 

In November, I went out of the country for the first time with my best friend in the world — and it had to be in South Korea, just because. It was the last stretch of autumn then. If we arrived a week later, we would have missed the season. The weather was freezing cold, but I still dared walk around wearing a hanbok. It was the most Korean thing I ever did. We explored cities until negative-degree midnight; until our feet got sore and it was our eyes that wanted to shut off. We ate a lot in Seoul. We had coffee, banana milk, gyoza, and gimbap for breakfast; while galbi, authentic Korean barbecue, chicken, and soju became staples for dinner. Nami was beautiful, even if the trees were almost barren and it lacked the majestic Fall colors I've seen in photographs. It was still glorious. Myeongdong was crowded but it had the best tteokboki and fish cakes and the variety of street food and skin care products seemed endless. Hongdae was youthful with all its bright lights and loud music and vibrant people. We had little adventures, too, in different parts of the urban. We climbed up N Seoul; took photos with the lovelocks; rode cable cars; sled tirelessly at Pyeongchang; got lost in subways and train stations; looked for Bok Chicken and fangirl-ed over Kim Bok Joo; and finally rode Gyro Drop which has long been in my bucketlist. I could go on and on and blabber about all the good things that happened, but let me leave it at: Korea was incredible. 

It was an amazing year, as I'd relentlessly say, and I have to give credit to the people in my life who took a massive part in making it the best one yet. I boast of my high school squad whom for five years now have been solid than ever and remains to be the true best until today; of my best girl friends who celebrated my successes as if it was theirs and have constantly stayed by my side through many episodes of heartbreaks and losses; of the best guy friends in the world who treat, love, and care for me like a princess and a little sister of their own; and of my family whose unconditional love embraced my soul and powered me through most of the year. I have always felt their love and warmth, and it is what sustained me throughout the year, especially during the many times I was lacking and needing. I have my favorite places now; more favorable days; and this most adored season because of their doing. They listened, took care of me, protected and defended me at all costs, loved me, believed in me, and supported me in so many occasions. I am and will always, always be grateful to be surrounded with such wonderful, kindhearted human souls. 

See? It was impossible not to fall so deeply in love with 2019. I loved it for everything it had and all that it was — the good days and bad, the little victories and failures, the places I've been, the people who stayed and the ties I've willingly cut, the little things and big moments, and all else in between. I still can't say I am living my best life right now despite the number of reasons I've laid down here, but this was a rewarding and meaningful season that 2019 will forever hold a special place in my heart. It would be so hard to completely let go of it but I am genuinely happy that I only have the best memories and only the best people to remember of the year that was. 

I literally don't know what's next for me, especially in this crazy phase of real adulting, but with the wonderful people behind me who have been constantly supporting and cheering me on, it feels like I am ready to conquer the world anytime soon. With that, bella ciao, 2019!

Here's to being kinder and braver. Here's to dreaming, loving, growing, and doing better. 2020, I am ready for you!

featured

THAT SUNDAY

July 01, 2019

Last Sunday, I was back at our place. Your memories I thought I've already buried deep in my head resurfaced all too suddenly. The scars of our excruciating ending sting a bit. Surprisingly, a part of me still clearly remembers that day.

It was also a Sunday. I looked quite different. I still had my long, disturbing, black hair and still wore braces I wished were gone sooner. I am not sure if the streets then were quiet and empty, or it was just because I only laid so much of my eyes on you that I never noticed how we were walking in between the hustle and bustle of the city. On that particular day, we thought spontaneity could also be our thing. It could have been, I'm certain. 

 We set foot on new places for the first time together. It felt amazing— having been able to experience actual firsts with you. I was able to visit old, familiar sites but now with a hand to hold. That Sunday, I was all yours and you were all mine. It was a bit strange to have you hold me as if my bones would fall broken once you let go of it. You never not held my hands that day. You gently rubbed my skin with your fingers, clasped my tiny hands tighter, and gently kissed it whenever you had the chance. I held you just the same, or so I thought, but yours was always better in every way. You were effortless in all the things you do and I could not even in the slightest bit compare. Maybe that is why you let go of mine eventually. 

That weekend was clear and bright so we had a great view while eating lunch. I loved it. I ate chicken. You had ribs. I should have ordered the same as yours so you didn't have to share a slab or two with me. We both liked it so much. One thing we have in common is that we love eating, and food in general. I still remember our first date that involved a lot of salmon sashimi, our favorite. I also have fond memories of finishing family meals by ourselves and randomly going on Japanese eat-all-you-can as if being together was already reason enough for a buffet celebration on any day. That Sunday with you was equally priceless. I happily sat there in front of you, watched you relished and slowly smothered your smoked meat, and died a little when you genuinely smiled at me right after. I wish I could have that everyday. You looked at me like I was the most precious, most valuable person in your life at that time. At least, that's how I felt. 

We went to Church. I thanked God for the hundredfold of blessings— one of which is most absolutely you— and the many wonderful, incredible days because of you're doing. I talked to God about sunshine, solace, music, and warmth. I talked about you. That Sunday, I was sure of you. I was so certain I wanted all of you in full daylight and when half the globe is fast asleep. I wanted more of our early mornings, and waffles, and maple syrup. I wanted more of Marvel, stolen kisses, hand-holding, and cheesy romantic movies with you. I wanted more of our drunken and late nights all sealed with a kiss. I want a lot more of it.

 I secretly looked at you in between moments of silence. I want that forever. You were a living, breathing reminder that all is well in the world. It would not be the last of our little adventures, I told myself. I thought of the countless daydreams I've had of us trekking mountains, catching waves, and watching the moon and the stars at night by the beach. I've never been happier. I prayed to God I never have to lose you. Not ever.

That Sunday was fleeting. But it felt endless. I was recording every moment, as if I already knew those pieces would have been the only ones left of what was good. I caught you playing with the clouds. You looked so happy. I could literally watch you do it all day long and never get tired. I took a photo of the thick fog covering vast fields of green, and big cotton clouds chasing after each other, to forever remember the comfort of the cold and quiet time with you. 

I thought a lot about you and I. That Sunday, we were perfect together. You and I were under pink skies— I could not imagine such a moment with anyone else than you. It was beautiful. We had coffee, talked about the future, and watched sundown together. I wished that Sunday was forever. I had the road, the cold, the view, the golden hour, and all of you. I wished it had not ended so fast. I wish we didn't. 

 It was quiet on the way home. We listened to Michael Bublé. I had your arms wrapped around me. You wanted to stay a little longer. I wished you stayed forever. 

My love, I wish to tell the world we made it. But that Sunday and every other good memory of the short time we've been together is all what I have left. And a part of me will always remember. 

 Always. Even if you couldn't. Even if you wouldn't. 
AMventures

SALAMAT, UST!

June 04, 2019
I was always in a rush to graduate but now that the long haul has finally reached its end, I can only hope to have the past four years back and cherished every moment of it a lot more. I truly wish I could go back. But, time is up for me; and although college appeared and felt like it was quick and short, my heart is happy knowing I have incredibly spent it in every way I know how. For now, I will just fit myself in the tiny spaces between these parting words and squeeze myself in the beautiful, glorious memories of college I have carefully kept and preserved in the little compartments of my heart.

 Thank you for being home to me, my beloved, the Royal and Pontifical, University of Santo Tomas. I owe to you some of the best people I've met and some of the best things that happened in my life. Thank you for opportunities of a lifetime I had never imagined I'd be able to do and experience. Wherever I go, I will bring with me all the life lessons you have generously imparted and instilled in me. I will bleed black and gold forever dahil sa'yo at para sa'yo, USTe. Mahal kita. 

All the joys and sorrows, losses and triumphs, good days and bad of the past four years culminate in this one grand, joyous graduation day. I prayed so hard for this day— to finally wear that toga and walk down that stage with flying colors. Now that I am here and have successfully earned my bachelor's degree, I am nothing but grateful. More than the bronze hanging down my neck, the exams I aced, presentations I won, campaigns I perfectly delivered; it is the late nights and early mornings, booze and Angkong, meetings and daily whatnot, little things and big moments I've spent and shared with everyone which I am most thankful for. So now, allow me to dedicate this space to the very people who made my stay in UST more worthwhile than I could ever imagine.
To my dearest CA3, my home block, my pride and joy— I have learned to become a champion because of you. Thank you for four years of sweet, little victories. I am forever grateful that I played a part in all of it. I may not be able to speak of it every time, but it is indeed both my pleasure and honor to stand in front of anyone and represent the excellence that is you. The road to QPAV was tough and never easy, but going through the journey with all of you made it fulfilling. Congratulations, my CA3! I am proud of you all. I know we will go places, and wherever we end up in this lifetime, I will bring with me the legacy that we've built and the great memories we've had together. I can't wait to see you all succeed in the field we are most passionate of. I love you all and I am absolutely going to miss you. Hanggang sa muli. 

If there is one thing I've learned throughout college, it's this: True friendship doesn't count people.  To my favorite boys and girls, Alex, Rafa, James, Ck, and Jamie— you taught me that. I am so proud to have you all by my side. No words can ever express how grateful and happy I am that it is with you whom I've shared all of the requirement-completion, most of the production work, and some of the best days and nights of the past four years. I am thankful that we were able to witness each other's little successes and celebrate it altogether. Every single day with you is every moment of my life I will forever cherish. I have so much and a lot to say to each one of you but let me leave it at: I will choose honor call, dance crave, poin curse, satron paint, rove ranger, dack janiels, and all else in a heartbeat. *wink wink* You have me always. Mahal na mahal ko kayo. Sobra. 


To my college constants, my college best friends, Jamie and Ck— thank you for keeping up with the crazy that is my life. Thank you for being extra patient with my shortcomings; for staying during my unnecessary mental breakdowns; for being there through all of the highs and lows; for holding my hand during my ups and successes; and holding it even tighter during the many episodes of heartbreaks and losses. Thank you for supporting my dreams in every way you can. You don't know how much it meant to me. I am happy that I have the both of you to eat every lunch with and to run to at the end of every day, because you two are absolutely more than enough. You are the best souvenirs UST had given me. I love you. I am proud of you, Laude's!

Here is a special space for you my beshumz, my thesis partner, THE day one of all day one's— beshie, I love you. College is not college without you. If I had to go through all of it again, I'd still cross the football field with you on our first week in UST. Thank you for staying, Jamie. I got your back the same way you have mine. I can't wait for the time when we'd be so rich and we'd be able to travel the places we have just been dreaming and planning to go to together. Someday, besh!
Let me also share this space with my best(est) friend and my forever person— you are the best, Inky. I could not be more proud and happy that we are still by each other's side as we slowly fulfill and reach our dreams. From elementary to high school, and getting through college together just like how we imagined it to be! I would not want to share more of my growth and my every day with any other girl friend than with you, my sister puks! Here's to going places together. I love you!
AND OF COURSE. 

This milestone is a celebration of my Papa and Mama who have been my rock, my pillar, and my true strength in this lifetime. Everything that I am and all that I do is for these two. 


Mama and Papa, this is for you. You were the ones who first believed in what I can do and who I can be. That is all and everything I needed to keep going and to come this far. I love you with all my heart, Mama and Papa. One day, I'll bring you places and give you the world. I will never get tired of making you proud. 

It feels like it was only yesterday when I was too afraid to live independently away from home. Four years later, here I am, with a Bachelor's Degree in Communication Arts and with a rightfully earned Latin Honor. I am still clueless of the way forward and a bit terrified just thinking about how I would go on from here. But this is it. More of life and its beauty and mystery is waiting for me. I can't wait to take on the world and chase the things I love and dream about— for myself and for the very people who truly matter.


I'm out here living my best life, and it is truly just the beginning of it all. I am yet to do greater things and grow into the woman of purpose I've always wanted to be. Wherever these impossible roads lead me, I know I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. On to the next!

DIMACULANGAN, Archelle Mae Yambao
University of Santo Tomas
2015-08****
Faculty of Arts and Letters
Bachelor of Arts in Communication Arts

CUM LAUDE