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BELLA CIAO, 2019!

January 10, 2020
Hey. I'm back. And, ironically, for a bittersweet parting note. 

I have all the words to write a thoughtful year-end post; but it took me long enough, exactly a week after the new year officially knocked in, to finally sit down and wrap-up the year that was. If I am being completely honest, I was not ready to put an end to such an amazing, wonderful year. And I feel like putting it out here for you, my little universe, to read and see actually means my 2019 literally (and officially) ending right before my eyes. 

I did not want 2019 to end. I knew it when the holiday rush came along and I could not, in any way, convince myself enough to join everyone else who was counting down to the last few days of the decade. I was just there — silent, but with a hundred thoughts running in my head, and feeling all sorts of possible things — happy and sad and fulfilled and anxious all at the same time, while scouring through tangible memories this year had generously bestowed upon me. It was HUGE. And special. And grand. Amazeballs, as I'd like to coin it — is what my 2019 has mostly been. 

It is my favorite year of all because what I consider the best highlights of my life by far seemed coincidentally yet perfectly timed to transpire all in one year. For one, I finally earned my bachelor's degree with a rightfully and, as I'd like to believe, a well-deserved Latin honor. Nothing can ever compare to seeing my parents — my rock and pillars of strength standing right beside me on that graduation stage of June 1st — joyful and immensely proud of a bronze medal and a diploma that is worth years and years of hard toil. Should I mention how my last six months in the academe, in a university I have truthfully loved since the beginning, were as memorable as I'd imagined it in my head. My best friend and I defended our thesis with zero revisions; I wrote my first screenplay ever; I pitched campaigns in front of the class for the last time; I was anchor for a sports newscast for my last production work ever; I ate so much of our staple college food Angkong and still had drunken school nights as per usual during my last few weeks in UST; and finally walked down the graduation aisle together with the same faces I have grown to love every day since Freshman year. 

I entered the corporate world only two months after graduation. Just like how impulsive I am when it comes to a lot of things, I immediately said yes to my first job offer ever — on my first interview over an almost-20-minute phone call. I would have been thankful for the rare, wonderful opportunity but those days were true tests of time. I can still remember silently crying in the bus so strangers won't notice, at night before I go to bed, in front of my bathroom mirror while everyone was fast asleep, and almost always to my best friend on random voice calls or dinner dates. Meltdowns became quite normal and I've lived waiting and longing for the weekend. It felt like the longest three months of my life and getting out of it felt like the most liberating and best decision I've made in 2019. That short time felt like a totally different lifetime — it was so bad and lonely, I never want to relive any of it longer.

But other than this tragic episode that absolutely lacked joy and upsides, the rest of the year was fruitful. 

I traveled places in 2019. I went to Caleruega with my home block for a quiet time of soulful reflection. The bus ride and game nights were hard to forget. Tagaytay was a usual, but our weekend getaway the past year was something else. Maybe because the weather is a perfect cold and it was the mother's side of the family whom we are sharing coffee and waffles and bulalo with. I had a couple of beach trips, too. I went to La Union with my college best friends, our very first out of town trip together. I surfed, picked grapes, explored its northern side, and happily devoured some of Elyu's bests. I loved that trip so much! We also spent the quick Halloween break at Subic. I didn't think I needed a break; but, as it turns out, a short time away from the city together with the people who matter most to me is all and everything I need to regain the positive energy.

The family went back to Boracay, an island so close to our hearts, to celebrate some of the most important dates in our June family calendar. I was only 14 when I first visited the island and I fell in love with it instantly. After so many years, I still feel the same about it. For me, nothing came close to the fine white sand, clear waters, and deep jaded seas this long stretch of Boracay beach boasts of. Even sundown in Boracay is beyond words. I've watched a couple of beautiful ones in my lifetime, but the sun sets gloriously in this island.  I saw how the sun painted the sky so majestically— pink and orange clouds running seamlessly through lavender skies— while listening to the calming sound of crashing waves. No wonder so many people from across the world go crazy in this paradise. I wish to live here forever and watch Boracay sunset all my life. I would go back in a heartbeat, no questions asked. 

In November, I went out of the country for the first time with my best friend in the world — and it had to be in South Korea, just because. It was the last stretch of autumn then. If we arrived a week later, we would have missed the season. The weather was freezing cold, but I still dared walk around wearing a hanbok. It was the most Korean thing I ever did. We explored cities until negative-degree midnight; until our feet got sore and it was our eyes that wanted to shut off. We ate a lot in Seoul. We had coffee, banana milk, gyoza, and gimbap for breakfast; while galbi, authentic Korean barbecue, chicken, and soju became staples for dinner. Nami was beautiful, even if the trees were almost barren and it lacked the majestic Fall colors I've seen in photographs. It was still glorious. Myeongdong was crowded but it had the best tteokboki and fish cakes and the variety of street food and skin care products seemed endless. Hongdae was youthful with all its bright lights and loud music and vibrant people. We had little adventures, too, in different parts of the urban. We climbed up N Seoul; took photos with the lovelocks; rode cable cars; sled tirelessly at Pyeongchang; got lost in subways and train stations; looked for Bok Chicken and fangirl-ed over Kim Bok Joo; and finally rode Gyro Drop which has long been in my bucketlist. I could go on and on and blabber about all the good things that happened, but let me leave it at: Korea was incredible. 

It was an amazing year, as I'd relentlessly say, and I have to give credit to the people in my life who took a massive part in making it the best one yet. I boast of my high school squad whom for five years now have been solid than ever and remains to be the true best until today; of my best girl friends who celebrated my successes as if it was theirs and have constantly stayed by my side through many episodes of heartbreaks and losses; of the best guy friends in the world who treat, love, and care for me like a princess and a little sister of their own; and of my family whose unconditional love embraced my soul and powered me through most of the year. I have always felt their love and warmth, and it is what sustained me throughout the year, especially during the many times I was lacking and needing. I have my favorite places now; more favorable days; and this most adored season because of their doing. They listened, took care of me, protected and defended me at all costs, loved me, believed in me, and supported me in so many occasions. I am and will always, always be grateful to be surrounded with such wonderful, kindhearted human souls. 

See? It was impossible not to fall so deeply in love with 2019. I loved it for everything it had and all that it was — the good days and bad, the little victories and failures, the places I've been, the people who stayed and the ties I've willingly cut, the little things and big moments, and all else in between. I still can't say I am living my best life right now despite the number of reasons I've laid down here, but this was a rewarding and meaningful season that 2019 will forever hold a special place in my heart. It would be so hard to completely let go of it but I am genuinely happy that I only have the best memories and only the best people to remember of the year that was. 

I literally don't know what's next for me, especially in this crazy phase of real adulting, but with the wonderful people behind me who have been constantly supporting and cheering me on, it feels like I am ready to conquer the world anytime soon. With that, bella ciao, 2019!

Here's to being kinder and braver. Here's to dreaming, loving, growing, and doing better. 2020, I am ready for you!

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THAT SUNDAY

July 01, 2019

Last Sunday, I was back at our place. Your memories I thought I've already buried deep in my head resurfaced all too suddenly. The scars of our excruciating ending sting a bit. Surprisingly, a part of me still clearly remembers that day.

It was also a Sunday. I looked quite different. I still had my long, disturbing, black hair and still wore braces I wished were gone sooner. I am not sure if the streets then were quiet and empty, or it was just because I only laid so much of my eyes on you that I never noticed how we were walking in between the hustle and bustle of the city. On that particular day, we thought spontaneity could also be our thing. It could have been, I'm certain. 

 We set foot on new places for the first time together. It felt amazing— having been able to experience actual firsts with you. I was able to visit old, familiar sites but now with a hand to hold. That Sunday, I was all yours and you were all mine. It was a bit strange to have you hold me as if my bones would fall broken once you let go of it. You never not held my hands that day. You gently rubbed my skin with your fingers, clasped my tiny hands tighter, and gently kissed it whenever you had the chance. I held you just the same, or so I thought, but yours was always better in every way. You were effortless in all the things you do and I could not even in the slightest bit compare. Maybe that is why you let go of mine eventually. 

That weekend was clear and bright so we had a great view while eating lunch. I loved it. I ate chicken. You had ribs. I should have ordered the same as yours so you didn't have to share a slab or two with me. We both liked it so much. One thing we have in common is that we love eating, and food in general. I still remember our first date that involved a lot of salmon sashimi, our favorite. I also have fond memories of finishing family meals by ourselves and randomly going on Japanese eat-all-you-can as if being together was already reason enough for a buffet celebration on any day. That Sunday with you was equally priceless. I happily sat there in front of you, watched you relished and slowly smothered your smoked meat, and died a little when you genuinely smiled at me right after. I wish I could have that everyday. You looked at me like I was the most precious, most valuable person in your life at that time. At least, that's how I felt. 

We went to Church. I thanked God for the hundredfold of blessings— one of which is most absolutely you— and the many wonderful, incredible days because of you're doing. I talked to God about sunshine, solace, music, and warmth. I talked about you. That Sunday, I was sure of you. I was so certain I wanted all of you in full daylight and when half the globe is fast asleep. I wanted more of our early mornings, and waffles, and maple syrup. I wanted more of Marvel, stolen kisses, hand-holding, and cheesy romantic movies with you. I wanted more of our drunken and late nights all sealed with a kiss. I want a lot more of it.

 I secretly looked at you in between moments of silence. I want that forever. You were a living, breathing reminder that all is well in the world. It would not be the last of our little adventures, I told myself. I thought of the countless daydreams I've had of us trekking mountains, catching waves, and watching the moon and the stars at night by the beach. I've never been happier. I prayed to God I never have to lose you. Not ever.

That Sunday was fleeting. But it felt endless. I was recording every moment, as if I already knew those pieces would have been the only ones left of what was good. I caught you playing with the clouds. You looked so happy. I could literally watch you do it all day long and never get tired. I took a photo of the thick fog covering vast fields of green, and big cotton clouds chasing after each other, to forever remember the comfort of the cold and quiet time with you. 

I thought a lot about you and I. That Sunday, we were perfect together. You and I were under pink skies— I could not imagine such a moment with anyone else than you. It was beautiful. We had coffee, talked about the future, and watched sundown together. I wished that Sunday was forever. I had the road, the cold, the view, the golden hour, and all of you. I wished it had not ended so fast. I wish we didn't. 

 It was quiet on the way home. We listened to Michael Bublé. I had your arms wrapped around me. You wanted to stay a little longer. I wished you stayed forever. 

My love, I wish to tell the world we made it. But that Sunday and every other good memory of the short time we've been together is all what I have left. And a part of me will always remember. 

 Always. Even if you couldn't. Even if you wouldn't. 
AMventures

SALAMAT, UST!

June 04, 2019
I was always in a rush to graduate but now that the long haul has finally reached its end, I can only hope to have the past four years back and cherished every moment of it a lot more. I truly wish I could go back. But, time is up for me; and although college appeared and felt like it was quick and short, my heart is happy knowing I have incredibly spent it in every way I know how. For now, I will just fit myself in the tiny spaces between these parting words and squeeze myself in the beautiful, glorious memories of college I have carefully kept and preserved in the little compartments of my heart.

 Thank you for being home to me, my beloved, the Royal and Pontifical, University of Santo Tomas. I owe to you some of the best people I've met and some of the best things that happened in my life. Thank you for opportunities of a lifetime I had never imagined I'd be able to do and experience. Wherever I go, I will bring with me all the life lessons you have generously imparted and instilled in me. I will bleed black and gold forever dahil sa'yo at para sa'yo, USTe. Mahal kita. 

All the joys and sorrows, losses and triumphs, good days and bad of the past four years culminate in this one grand, joyous graduation day. I prayed so hard for this day— to finally wear that toga and walk down that stage with flying colors. Now that I am here and have successfully earned my bachelor's degree, I am nothing but grateful. More than the bronze hanging down my neck, the exams I aced, presentations I won, campaigns I perfectly delivered; it is the late nights and early mornings, booze and Angkong, meetings and daily whatnot, little things and big moments I've spent and shared with everyone which I am most thankful for. So now, allow me to dedicate this space to the very people who made my stay in UST more worthwhile than I could ever imagine.
To my dearest CA3, my home block, my pride and joy— I have learned to become a champion because of you. Thank you for four years of sweet, little victories. I am forever grateful that I played a part in all of it. I may not be able to speak of it every time, but it is indeed both my pleasure and honor to stand in front of anyone and represent the excellence that is you. The road to QPAV was tough and never easy, but going through the journey with all of you made it fulfilling. Congratulations, my CA3! I am proud of you all. I know we will go places, and wherever we end up in this lifetime, I will bring with me the legacy that we've built and the great memories we've had together. I can't wait to see you all succeed in the field we are most passionate of. I love you all and I am absolutely going to miss you. Hanggang sa muli. 

If there is one thing I've learned throughout college, it's this: True friendship doesn't count people.  To my favorite boys and girls, Alex, Rafa, James, Ck, and Jamie— you taught me that. I am so proud to have you all by my side. No words can ever express how grateful and happy I am that it is with you whom I've shared all of the requirement-completion, most of the production work, and some of the best days and nights of the past four years. I am thankful that we were able to witness each other's little successes and celebrate it altogether. Every single day with you is every moment of my life I will forever cherish. I have so much and a lot to say to each one of you but let me leave it at: I will choose honor call, dance crave, poin curse, satron paint, rove ranger, dack janiels, and all else in a heartbeat. *wink wink* You have me always. Mahal na mahal ko kayo. Sobra. 


To my college constants, my college best friends, Jamie and Ck— thank you for keeping up with the crazy that is my life. Thank you for being extra patient with my shortcomings; for staying during my unnecessary mental breakdowns; for being there through all of the highs and lows; for holding my hand during my ups and successes; and holding it even tighter during the many episodes of heartbreaks and losses. Thank you for supporting my dreams in every way you can. You don't know how much it meant to me. I am happy that I have the both of you to eat every lunch with and to run to at the end of every day, because you two are absolutely more than enough. You are the best souvenirs UST had given me. I love you. I am proud of you, Laude's!

Here is a special space for you my beshumz, my thesis partner, THE day one of all day one's— beshie, I love you. College is not college without you. If I had to go through all of it again, I'd still cross the football field with you on our first week in UST. Thank you for staying, Jamie. I got your back the same way you have mine. I can't wait for the time when we'd be so rich and we'd be able to travel the places we have just been dreaming and planning to go to together. Someday, besh!
Let me also share this space with my best(est) friend and my forever person— you are the best, Inky. I could not be more proud and happy that we are still by each other's side as we slowly fulfill and reach our dreams. From elementary to high school, and getting through college together just like how we imagined it to be! I would not want to share more of my growth and my every day with any other girl friend than with you, my sister puks! Here's to going places together. I love you!
AND OF COURSE. 

This milestone is a celebration of my Papa and Mama who have been my rock, my pillar, and my true strength in this lifetime. Everything that I am and all that I do is for these two. 


Mama and Papa, this is for you. You were the ones who first believed in what I can do and who I can be. That is all and everything I needed to keep going and to come this far. I love you with all my heart, Mama and Papa. One day, I'll bring you places and give you the world. I will never get tired of making you proud. 

It feels like it was only yesterday when I was too afraid to live independently away from home. Four years later, here I am, with a Bachelor's Degree in Communication Arts and with a rightfully earned Latin Honor. I am still clueless of the way forward and a bit terrified just thinking about how I would go on from here. But this is it. More of life and its beauty and mystery is waiting for me. I can't wait to take on the world and chase the things I love and dream about— for myself and for the very people who truly matter.


I'm out here living my best life, and it is truly just the beginning of it all. I am yet to do greater things and grow into the woman of purpose I've always wanted to be. Wherever these impossible roads lead me, I know I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. On to the next!

DIMACULANGAN, Archelle Mae Yambao
University of Santo Tomas
2015-08****
Faculty of Arts and Letters
Bachelor of Arts in Communication Arts

CUM LAUDE

16th April

I'M 21

May 07, 2019
I turned 21 three weeks ago. Wow, that's over two decades of a well-lived and painstakingly rewarding timeline here on earth. Also marks the end of my carefree and exciting youth, and the beginning of a much more exhilarating phase— the prime time, as I'd like to believe, where huge dreams can finally and slowly taste a bit of reality. 21, however, makes me so bewildered and frightened at the same time. Like all of the normally confused 20-something's out there, I'm also trying to figure out how to properly deal with all the responsibilities of true adulting, all while living the sensational times that come with this massive lifestyle change. Fret not, I've been an optimist as always. I take this aging so positively because I genuinely believe that getting a year older only means I've conquered another milestone in this lifetime and a bountiful outpour of blessings are about to come my way. 

My birthday this year falls on Holy Week, Tuesday. I had the whole day perfectly planned— a lunch out with my family, shopping, Church time, and the rest of the night enjoying the comforts of my bed all by myself. But even the flawlessly crafted plans are interfered by the unexpected. This time around, it came to me in forms of beautiful humans holding golden balloons in the kitchen. My college best friends, Jamie and Ck, were there! On the morning of my birthday. In my home. At Bulacan. On a Holy Week. They literally went the extra mile and traveled far and early to surprise me! I am so moved. 
My bouquet this year was notably different from the usual— it's edible! I only usually see this online but my extra special Jollibee bouquet was finally in flesh, in red wraps and thick white ribbons, all thanks to my best friends. Jamie's mom, who was always so thoughtful and sweet to me, baked me a moist and decadent three-layered chocolate fudge cake with my name and a big heart topper that is made of pure fondant, my favorite. I probably have eaten half of it by myself; it was that delicious.

Thinking about it, the day still went according to plan. But it became so much better than I've imagined it would be. Together with my best friends, we had lunch at Buffet 101 to officially celebrate my birthday. It was special for me because I'm treating everyone with my hard-earned money from a hosting gig I did back in March. The best thing I could give all of us is the luxury of unlimited cuisines. Of course, I didn't forget to spend some special time with the Lord. We went to Divine Mercy. I thanked God for another year. I can only be grateful for having an amazing family who is supportive of all my dreams and aspirations, incredible friends who got my back through all of the highs and lows, and multiple opportunities of a lifetime. I capped-off the night with some of the best guy friends in the world. No better way to end my birthday than with hard liquor, genuine talks, and boisterous laughter.

But that was not the end of it all. Absolutely not it. 

Knowing how my birthday last year was a solid one and a total blast, I could not let my 21st pass without celebrating it with the same people who made it so much memorable. Two weeks after my actual birthday, I held a small and simple house party to gather everyone closest to my heart. I am a true fan of mixing different groups of friends, and obviously, I especially love doing it on my birthday. I was so grateful and overjoyed seeing my friends from both of my high schools and my blockmates from the university got along so well. We literally looked just like one huge barkada who had history and had known each other from long ago.
Until now, I am at loss for the right words to describe the night that was, but there's one thing I'm certain of: I'm genuinely and truthfully happy that it just gets more solid and better every year. If last year was hard to top; well, this year rightfully earned to fight for the title in claiming itself as the best one yet. Sharing with you a few photos from that night and hoping these frames could help me translate all the fun, wasted moments we've had and how much great of a time it was. 


You can also peep through my Instagram highlights and see more photos and videos for yourself. 
Link to my Instagram account is on the top right corner of this page or scroll down below *wink*

And just like that... I'm 21! I have no more excuses for doing all the childish, petty, and foolish things I've been doing in the past. An entirely new chapter opens for me this year, and no matter how terrifying it looks to me right now, I am also very much excited to face it head on. Here's to hoping I get to celebrate more loving and fruitful years with very precious humans who nurture my soul and make me the best version of me. Happy birthday, self! 


16th April

TWO DECADES AND ONE

April 17, 2019
Here is what two decades worth of constant learning and growing and healing have made me— hopeful and optimistic and brave. Although sometimes troubled and weary, I take pride with my patient and gallant heart that is struggling to listen more, to love truly, and to live fully each waking day. I battled all those young years of my life with grace and grit, and have managed to come through every single time with and because of a decision to be fearless. 

21 years after and here I am. 

I know of fearless learning— that with growth comes bracing uncertainty; that wisdom is unraveled through time and the willingness to unfold life and the thrill of it all at a slow, unpredictable pace; that finding and knowing yourself truly happens only if you have lost yourself in the process and learned; and that real growth is actually nurtured by courage, fueled by pain, and powered by failures. 

I grow fearless of failures— fearless enough to graciously celebrate these endless cycles of defeat; and valiant enough to get back up, start over, try again, and turn tables around. Unlike this tiny human spectrum that voids itself of imperfections, I bravely acknowledge my own vulnerabilities and openly accept the fragile parts of me.

I am now fearless of pain— fearless enough to allow my tired and heavy heart to cry and be defenseless at times; and generously award it the chance to rest for all the battles it conquered and had barely survived. I know the countless risks I gamble with every time I put myself in the possible pitfalls of coming up with decisions I was unsure of; but still have daringly taken just because it could have been worth it. The world had hurt me, stabbed me, and crushed me with its harsh reality. My heart was betrayed too many times, but it didn't fail to heal time and again. It was bravery to fight through the pain; and there was strength to find the courage to fight again. 

I am made of fearless dreams— the huge, ambitious ones that drive me insane and give me an incredible, rapid rush of adrenaline by simply thinking about them. I've built these dreams in my head and placed all of it in my heart only with the sincere intent to fulfill them. Both clueless and enthralled, I could not wait any longer to take on the world— little by little, slowly, surely, and selflessly— together with the very people who truly matter. 

I dream of fearless living— that the most meaningful moments almost always happen as an aftermath of massive leaps of faith boldly taken; that life is only truly relished if lived here and now without regrets; that memories of a lifetime are merely bestowed upon humans with dauntless souls. I lust after ambiguity, the vague image of the future, and the surprises it holds, and the inexplicable pleasure of knowing much but not everything at all. 
I live for fearless loving— the kind of love that is honest and genuine and brave; a love so unconditional that is showers forgiveness to those who are not even apologetic; a love so fearless that it braves losing important people over and over again; a love so heroic that it wishes goodness and happiness even for those who have harmed and wronged me. 

I want MORE of this fearless loving— the kind of self-love that transcends fiascoes and wrongs; a love that further nurtures my growth; a love that functions well with the rational; and a love that empathizes rather than sympathizes. 

I still hope to be more fearless to stand for what is true; to live with integrity and by principles; to fully accept responsibility; and to always speak of truth no matter how difficult it appears to be. Constantly, I remind myself that my world— and my numerous versions of reality— needs and deserves more of my bravery, no matter how little and insignificant it is. And for the rest of my life, for the years I have yet to wander this earth, I swear to be fearless in all the right ways, even if the world asks me otherwise.