Sometimes, I try to comprehend this love I have for BTS — where it's coming from, why it just keeps growing, and how possible it is to feel this much. It sounds crazy but they were the friends I had when I needed someone to listen to my truths and fears.
I remember how much I struggled with my friendships and career this year; all of it happening while dealing with the pandemic. I had to take it all in and act as if everything was perfectly fine; just because. I had to live with the monsters in my head that I created myself. Sometimes, I feel like they're eating me alive, but I refused to ask for anyone's help because I didn't want to add up to anyone's struggles anymore.
Then, I FOUND BANGTAN.
Healing from these things is never easy. More so, trying to do it alone. But with BTS, healing doesn't have to become so messy — thanks to their music, their story, their presence, their lives. Again, it sounds insane, but it was BTS who truthfully saved me from these unwanted monsters. They brought so much light and hope and love and joy and inspiration to my life during these most difficult times.
I knew I needed someone to understand and it was their music that became my absolute consolation. It honestly felt like my fears were valid; and for the first time, it felt okay to be sad about something. Suddenly, it was okay to feel.
I am happier and so much better now. But healing takes time and I am still on the process of fixing everything that was broken of me. It would have been tiring and difficult; but now, I look at it as a journey that will unfold countless better things for me when I reach its end. Now, I think less of the bad days and the sad memories. I only look forward to the good days and happy memories that are waiting for me.
People from outside will never understand this incredible, wonderful, overwhelming love for Bangtan and how it had changed my life one way or another; that's why besides finding them and their beautiful, heartfelt, meaningful music, I am so glad to have found friends to share all of this with. I mean, reconnecting friendships that go way back elementary; mending broken relationships; bridging the distance between PH and USA; and finding someone who felt like a soul sister BECAUSE OF BTS! I think that's beautiful.
To YOU who is reading this right now, I truthfully hope that you get to meet these amazing people, too, one day — in the most perfect time, in YOUR right time — just like I did. And if you already did, welcome to my space that will most probably be talking a lot about them now. Let's share this love for a long, long time!
