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Hello, New Decade!

January 18, 2020

Dear Self, 

It has been an amazing year for you. You've finally graduated college, got your first job and quit three months after (right decision, by the way), watched beautiful sunsets by the beach with the most important people in your life in many different occasion, went out of the country for the first time, healed, found your peace, and had incredibly fallen in love with your family. 2019 is hard to top, if I had to be honest. 

But when and if you think about it you are already living your best life — I tell you, your life is just beginning. 

A new decade has rolled upon your eyes and my only hope is that you use wisely the brand new chances right before you to open doors of opportunities; and that you maximize them all while notably spending the time you'd be generously given with good, kind-hearted, positive, and loving people. 

I wish for your GROWTH — for there could be no better time to allow yourself to dream vividly, fulfill your heart's desires, and live purposefully than now. I hope you find clarity and seek what you genuinely want; your life goals, your ultimate dreams, and your true intentions. I want to see it through your hopeful eyes and watch you chase them one by one with a courageous heart. 

I hope you be FEARLESS enough to get out of the rut you've been stuck in since who knows when. That is not your sanctuary. This year, I hope you trust yourself more and listen carefully to what your heart is saying — for in so many cases, what your chambers are whispering are almost always right. I hope you go for it, whatever it is that you want, because so many chances were already lost just because you didn't believe in yourself enough. Please don't repeat the same mistake this year. 

I hope you are STRONG enough to embrace wholeheartedly the many ups and downs that come with this crazy transition phase. It is difficult and you had a slight fair share of it last year. It is going to be harder now but I do hope you become independent and start living like an adult. Learn to do things on your own and by yourself. Spend wisely. Take care of your finances. Work hard. Eat healthy. Stand up for yourself. Make decisions by yourself. There would be countless times of rejections, multiple questions of self-doubt, and many episodes of pain, losses, and heartbreaks. But I do hope you conquer all of them with a gallant heart and that you come out of it even braver, wiser, stronger, and kinder than the woman the past two decades have shaped you. 

I hope you STAY COMMITTED enough to finish whatever you decide to start. You get so enthusiastic and get so deeply involved with a project that you put so much of your energy building it; only to leave it so easily and jump into a new one once the opportunity arises. It has always been your struggle and it is ugly. I hope you work it out this year. I wish you work only with the best interests at heart and that you allot your energy on the right things only. Never lose your drive and keep that passion burning. I hope you persevere more until half-baked results reach its fruition. 

I hope you write more because it is only through words that you find and achieve your peace. This is your solace and you need this to keep yourself together amidst all the noise. No matter how nonsensical the lines would seem or how repetitive the sentiments are, keep writing. These spaces are not going to judge you. You need your quiet moments, too; so rest if you need to and allow your heart to talk. 

I hope you start planning your future. 2020 is that single step that will lead to a thousand other journeys. It literally feels like bering reborn, but this time around, you are learned and much better with a rational thinking and humbled heart to start over, start living, and start doing things right for your future. And you owe it to yourself 10-15 years from now to live a happy, fruitful, and purposeful life. 

I hope you start ticking things off in your bucketlist. I hope you visit cities you've never been to. I hope you taste exotic cuisine from all over the world. I hope you see glorious sunsets. I hope you start living healthily to last 80 more years on earth. I hope you do all these things in 2020, all while making memories of a lifetime and sharing these experiences with the people who truly matter. 

This will be a meaningful season of learning for you. Be patient and just take it all in. I am positive that you are about to do something crazy good and amazing and the world will never be ready for it. 

Everyone else is rooting for you. You can do it. 


xx, 
AMYD
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BELLA CIAO, 2019!

January 10, 2020
Hey. I'm back. And, ironically, for a bittersweet parting note. 

I have all the words to write a thoughtful year-end post; but it took me long enough, exactly a week after the new year officially knocked in, to finally sit down and wrap-up the year that was. If I am being completely honest, I was not ready to put an end to such an amazing, wonderful year. And I feel like putting it out here for you, my little universe, to read and see actually means my 2019 literally (and officially) ending right before my eyes. 

I did not want 2019 to end. I knew it when the holiday rush came along and I could not, in any way, convince myself enough to join everyone else who was counting down to the last few days of the decade. I was just there — silent, but with a hundred thoughts running in my head, and feeling all sorts of possible things — happy and sad and fulfilled and anxious all at the same time, while scouring through tangible memories this year had generously bestowed upon me. It was HUGE. And special. And grand. Amazeballs, as I'd like to coin it — is what my 2019 has mostly been. 

It is my favorite year of all because what I consider the best highlights of my life by far seemed coincidentally yet perfectly timed to transpire all in one year. For one, I finally earned my bachelor's degree with a rightfully and, as I'd like to believe, a well-deserved Latin honor. Nothing can ever compare to seeing my parents — my rock and pillars of strength standing right beside me on that graduation stage of June 1st — joyful and immensely proud of a bronze medal and a diploma that is worth years and years of hard toil. Should I mention how my last six months in the academe, in a university I have truthfully loved since the beginning, were as memorable as I'd imagined it in my head. My best friend and I defended our thesis with zero revisions; I wrote my first screenplay ever; I pitched campaigns in front of the class for the last time; I was anchor for a sports newscast for my last production work ever; I ate so much of our staple college food Angkong and still had drunken school nights as per usual during my last few weeks in UST; and finally walked down the graduation aisle together with the same faces I have grown to love every day since Freshman year. 

I entered the corporate world only two months after graduation. Just like how impulsive I am when it comes to a lot of things, I immediately said yes to my first job offer ever — on my first interview over an almost-20-minute phone call. I would have been thankful for the rare, wonderful opportunity but those days were true tests of time. I can still remember silently crying in the bus so strangers won't notice, at night before I go to bed, in front of my bathroom mirror while everyone was fast asleep, and almost always to my best friend on random voice calls or dinner dates. Meltdowns became quite normal and I've lived waiting and longing for the weekend. It felt like the longest three months of my life and getting out of it felt like the most liberating and best decision I've made in 2019. That short time felt like a totally different lifetime — it was so bad and lonely, I never want to relive any of it longer.

But other than this tragic episode that absolutely lacked joy and upsides, the rest of the year was fruitful. 

I traveled places in 2019. I went to Caleruega with my home block for a quiet time of soulful reflection. The bus ride and game nights were hard to forget. Tagaytay was a usual, but our weekend getaway the past year was something else. Maybe because the weather is a perfect cold and it was the mother's side of the family whom we are sharing coffee and waffles and bulalo with. I had a couple of beach trips, too. I went to La Union with my college best friends, our very first out of town trip together. I surfed, picked grapes, explored its northern side, and happily devoured some of Elyu's bests. I loved that trip so much! We also spent the quick Halloween break at Subic. I didn't think I needed a break; but, as it turns out, a short time away from the city together with the people who matter most to me is all and everything I need to regain the positive energy.

The family went back to Boracay, an island so close to our hearts, to celebrate some of the most important dates in our June family calendar. I was only 14 when I first visited the island and I fell in love with it instantly. After so many years, I still feel the same about it. For me, nothing came close to the fine white sand, clear waters, and deep jaded seas this long stretch of Boracay beach boasts of. Even sundown in Boracay is beyond words. I've watched a couple of beautiful ones in my lifetime, but the sun sets gloriously in this island.  I saw how the sun painted the sky so majestically— pink and orange clouds running seamlessly through lavender skies— while listening to the calming sound of crashing waves. No wonder so many people from across the world go crazy in this paradise. I wish to live here forever and watch Boracay sunset all my life. I would go back in a heartbeat, no questions asked. 

In November, I went out of the country for the first time with my best friend in the world — and it had to be in South Korea, just because. It was the last stretch of autumn then. If we arrived a week later, we would have missed the season. The weather was freezing cold, but I still dared walk around wearing a hanbok. It was the most Korean thing I ever did. We explored cities until negative-degree midnight; until our feet got sore and it was our eyes that wanted to shut off. We ate a lot in Seoul. We had coffee, banana milk, gyoza, and gimbap for breakfast; while galbi, authentic Korean barbecue, chicken, and soju became staples for dinner. Nami was beautiful, even if the trees were almost barren and it lacked the majestic Fall colors I've seen in photographs. It was still glorious. Myeongdong was crowded but it had the best tteokboki and fish cakes and the variety of street food and skin care products seemed endless. Hongdae was youthful with all its bright lights and loud music and vibrant people. We had little adventures, too, in different parts of the urban. We climbed up N Seoul; took photos with the lovelocks; rode cable cars; sled tirelessly at Pyeongchang; got lost in subways and train stations; looked for Bok Chicken and fangirl-ed over Kim Bok Joo; and finally rode Gyro Drop which has long been in my bucketlist. I could go on and on and blabber about all the good things that happened, but let me leave it at: Korea was incredible. 

It was an amazing year, as I'd relentlessly say, and I have to give credit to the people in my life who took a massive part in making it the best one yet. I boast of my high school squad whom for five years now have been solid than ever and remains to be the true best until today; of my best girl friends who celebrated my successes as if it was theirs and have constantly stayed by my side through many episodes of heartbreaks and losses; of the best guy friends in the world who treat, love, and care for me like a princess and a little sister of their own; and of my family whose unconditional love embraced my soul and powered me through most of the year. I have always felt their love and warmth, and it is what sustained me throughout the year, especially during the many times I was lacking and needing. I have my favorite places now; more favorable days; and this most adored season because of their doing. They listened, took care of me, protected and defended me at all costs, loved me, believed in me, and supported me in so many occasions. I am and will always, always be grateful to be surrounded with such wonderful, kindhearted human souls. 

See? It was impossible not to fall so deeply in love with 2019. I loved it for everything it had and all that it was — the good days and bad, the little victories and failures, the places I've been, the people who stayed and the ties I've willingly cut, the little things and big moments, and all else in between. I still can't say I am living my best life right now despite the number of reasons I've laid down here, but this was a rewarding and meaningful season that 2019 will forever hold a special place in my heart. It would be so hard to completely let go of it but I am genuinely happy that I only have the best memories and only the best people to remember of the year that was. 

I literally don't know what's next for me, especially in this crazy phase of real adulting, but with the wonderful people behind me who have been constantly supporting and cheering me on, it feels like I am ready to conquer the world anytime soon. With that, bella ciao, 2019!

Here's to being kinder and braver. Here's to dreaming, loving, growing, and doing better. 2020, I am ready for you!