Here is what two decades worth of constant learning and growing and healing have made me— hopeful and optimistic and brave. Although sometimes troubled and weary, I take pride with my patient and gallant heart that is struggling to listen more, to love truly, and to live fully each waking day. I battled all those young years of my life with grace and grit, and have managed to come through every single time with and because of a decision to be fearless.
21 years after and here I am.
I know of fearless learning— that with growth comes bracing uncertainty; that wisdom is unraveled through time and the willingness to unfold life and the thrill of it all at a slow, unpredictable pace; that finding and knowing yourself truly happens only if you have lost yourself in the process and learned; and that real growth is actually nurtured by courage, fueled by pain, and powered by failures.
I grow fearless of failures— fearless enough to graciously celebrate these endless cycles of defeat; and valiant enough to get back up, start over, try again, and turn tables around. Unlike this tiny human spectrum that voids itself of imperfections, I bravely acknowledge my own vulnerabilities and openly accept the fragile parts of me.
I am now fearless of pain— fearless enough to allow my tired and heavy heart to cry and be defenseless at times; and generously award it the chance to rest for all the battles it conquered and had barely survived. I know the countless risks I gamble with every time I put myself in the possible pitfalls of coming up with decisions I was unsure of; but still have daringly taken just because it could have been worth it. The world had hurt me, stabbed me, and crushed me with its harsh reality. My heart was betrayed too many times, but it didn't fail to heal time and again. It was bravery to fight through the pain; and there was strength to find the courage to fight again.
I am made of fearless dreams— the huge, ambitious ones that drive me insane and give me an incredible, rapid rush of adrenaline by simply thinking about them. I've built these dreams in my head and placed all of it in my heart only with the sincere intent to fulfill them. Both clueless and enthralled, I could not wait any longer to take on the world— little by little, slowly, surely, and selflessly— together with the very people who truly matter.
I dream of fearless living— that the most meaningful moments almost always happen as an aftermath of massive leaps of faith boldly taken; that life is only truly relished if lived here and now without regrets; that memories of a lifetime are merely bestowed upon humans with dauntless souls. I lust after ambiguity, the vague image of the future, and the surprises it holds, and the inexplicable pleasure of knowing much but not everything at all.
I live for fearless loving— the kind of love that is honest and genuine and brave; a love so unconditional that is showers forgiveness to those who are not even apologetic; a love so fearless that it braves losing important people over and over again; a love so heroic that it wishes goodness and happiness even for those who have harmed and wronged me.
I want MORE of this fearless loving— the kind of self-love that transcends fiascoes and wrongs; a love that further nurtures my growth; a love that functions well with the rational; and a love that empathizes rather than sympathizes.
I still hope to be more fearless to stand for what is true; to live with integrity and by principles; to fully accept responsibility; and to always speak of truth no matter how difficult it appears to be. Constantly, I remind myself that my world— and my numerous versions of reality— needs and deserves more of my bravery, no matter how little and insignificant it is. And for the rest of my life, for the years I have yet to wander this earth, I swear to be fearless in all the right ways, even if the world asks me otherwise.
