WRITER'S BLOCK
March 04, 2019
I have all these thoughts kept in the little compartments of my brain, all of it naturally bleeding in my heart. But words are missing. Stuck somewhere. Nowhere. Seemingly buried deep down elsewhere. Truth is, I don't write much anymore and I incredibly miss the adrenaline rush only words can give.
I wish I could write more. Better.
It is my heart that makes the writing all possible. Yet, no matter how fearless and potent it is, it also loses its flame and gets weary at times. It was not as difficult before, to be honest. In fact, words then flowed so rapidly I had to catch all of them as swiftly as possible before I miss an entirely different train of thought from the current. But now, the heart chooses the days when it's vulnerable enough to crack open. And when it strongly refuses to do so, writing crumbles down in one stroke.
But there are also days when it overflows and feels everything all at once that words become so interesting and friendly enough. Days when all I could ever think about was this sudden urge to write about anything. So when one of those days finally comes, allow me to release these thoughts and words— even if they appear lacking and repetitive and senseless by the last line— and to write endlessly until I burn out again.
I will write about the heartbreaks and losses I've braved, and how I got back up and won all of it a hundred times over. I will write about the moments that made me extremely joyful and grateful. Even the things that made me scared and sorrowful, I will share them with you. I will talk to you about the things I dread to discuss using metaphors and idioms and a poem. I will tell you about the man I've loved for so long, and how until today he surprisingly still means something and so much to me.
I will wake and nurse this impassive heart, I promise. I will try, and never stop trying, with hopes that it gets better eventually. But until then, I would carefully keep these stories first in the little compartments of my brain; all of it remembered and cherished, while the heart searches for the right words to give them justice.
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